A medieval campaign using my proposed RRtK supplement

Posts tagged ‘Game of Thrones war game parody’

Winter Campaign (Winter, Year 1)

A trebuchet uses the gravitational potential e...

A trebuchet uses the gravitational potential energy of the counterweight to throw projectiles over long distances. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Crossbowmen at the Martyrdom of St Sebastian. ...

Crossbowmen at the Martyrdom of St Sebastian. Detail of a painting from Upper Bavaria (Munich?), around 1475. Current location: Wallraf-Richartz-Museum, Cologne, Germany (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A winter horrorland story by Porridge Marten, the chronicler of the Game of Cronies

This image was first published in the 1 st (18...

This image was first published in the 1 st (1876–1899), 2 nd (1904–1926) or 3 rd (1923–1937) edition of Nordisk familjebok. The copyrights for that book have expired and this image is in the public domain. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Winter is supposed to be relaxing –wine, women, and song – or so thought King Robheart Brightneon snug in his bed that early morning when the first trebuchets of the Wormlanders fired upon and rattled the walls of Binge Landing. To his surprise and everyone else in the besieged city, an assault in the dead of winter was the last thing that was expected. Runtly Brightneon and Brie the Tart led the attack; siege engines fired, and twenty army units attacked Robheart’s four foot units and one unit of dismounted crossbowmen. The Kingsmen were outnumbered four to one. Both sides were evenly matched in magic users at four each.

 “Now what!” yelled out the discomforted King. “I hope Slimey doesn’t have a hangover from last night’s feast, the drunken fool. Signal his fleet to draw near shore and bombard Runtly’s attackers.”

 Ser Embarristan Slimey, unsteady though he be, brought his three war galley squadrons close to shore and showered Runtly’s beleagured troops with arrows.

 “Let’s hope Binge Landing’s walls won’t crumble today,” he roared to his page. The page struggled to get armor strapped over his lord’s expanding stomach.

 It was a tough battle for both sides, yet once again, the besieged repulsed the host from the Wormlands. Robheart lost a unit, but his brother, Runtly, had twice as many losses. Runtly continued his failures on land as his forces had at sea thoughout the year.

 Robheart laughed heartedly, “Bring me some wine. I have a great thirst to quench”

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The Battle of Drunkenale

The campaign started off on a sour note for the Slygardeners as they entered the hills in Drunkendale. Myce Hyfell had dispatched a spy earlier into the province to gather intelligence on Robheart Brightneon’s army. Apparent the spy wasn’t that smart because he was quickly scooped up by Robheart’s mercenary band, the Company of the Fat Cat and brought to the King. The spy was “persuaded” to spy on his former employer in the fall if needed.

King Robheart took the initiative and attacked the Hyfells lined up on the hilly ground in the province. Though nearly equal in size, Robheart had twice as many mercenary units and more magic users; these proved invaluable in the battle. Hard fought by both sides, the battle was a major victory for King Robheart Brightneon.  His war studies and superior natural ability in war were also instrumental in going on the attack and defeating the still sick Myce Hyfell.

On the retreat back to Slygarden, Lowerass could not resist reminding his father that he had foretold that Robheart would face him with all his might.  He yelled to Myce Hyfell, “I may not be a lion in battle, but at least I’m not a jackass.” His sister, Mortuaery, disappointed at missing out on a chance to become the new queen, spat at her brother.

English: Lancelot

English: Lancelot (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In Drunkenale, Robheart Brightneon celebrated his victory. The third for his forces this summer. They had defeated Runtly twice in Lackluster Bay and at Binge Landing. Myce Hyfell was scurrying back into his realm, “or rathole” as the King referred to it, and only Runtly’s army, huge though it be, had to be contended with in the coming fall.